Onward

I make music so I can listen to it. Sharing it isn't all that bad, either. :P

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Onward

Posted by SynthGoddess - March 11th, 2021

My relationship with music production is a complicated one. It's saved my life, it's complicated it, and it's made up the majority of my identity.

I'm sure we all go through this journey, right? Looking back constantly at our old work and thinking about what made us do what we did, and looking to our new experiences to help us fuel new creations. I feel funny calling my songs "creations". It's really corny...lol. But I guess that's what they are.

I've been frustrated trying to figure out how to turn this from a life-saving hobby into something more fulfilling...and that frustration has proven counterproductive for far too many years. I want to free myself from that cycle. It's easier to be productive when you're not under your own negative pressures...

But how to deal with the swings? I can write something like this on a day where I feel that I'm doing great work, but then the next day, feel like everything I've done up to this point is worthless- or that I'm moving too slow...or I start comparing myself to others who I feel just have it easier (and that's the worst feeling ever. That alone can send me into a bit of sadness that lasts for days or weeks).

Who knows. I don't think anyone has the right answer. But right now, I write this to replace the negative post I wrote nearly 3 years ago, noting my frustrations with my progress. I need to free myself from that. Cliche as it may sound, it's the only way that I can continue doing what I love, and not hating myself over it. I'm not denying that there will still be days where I feel low, but I need to allow myself to feel that way, and then move on. The sun will continue to rise and set, and with those changes come experiences that I won't be able to foresee. Those experiences and feelings will fuel new inspiration. And rather than beating myself up for not being able to spawn inspiration on the fly, I need to allow myself to accept when that inspiration does or doesn't come, and adjust accordingly.

We never know where we're going to end up, so I'll continue on for now, simply with the intention of continuing.

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FaithFullFang 2021-03-11 18:40:39

its ok everyone has this feeling once in a while just don't give up on it ok :) and have a good day

carl565 2021-03-26 11:46:41

I can totally relate. I started making music in 2008. Back then, uploading music to sites like Newgrounds was still fairly new, so there wasn't much basis to compare yourself or others work too. Maybe it had something to do with my age at the time (pretty sure I was only 12 at that time), but I was pumping out songs like mad and having a blast learning new things in my DAW while improving skills. Fast forward about 5 years and I started to get this feeling like people were outdoing me at every turn. Music was no longer about having fun but instead about "sounding like someone else in the mainstream." I would get frustrated in never getting the right sound or technique and I began to have less fun and pump songs out slower and slower by the year. 2018 rolled around and I've pretty much been AWOL to music since then. What once was an escape from reality and was such a fun/exciting way to express myself had become too much work/stressful. Constantly being like "I can't let anyone hear this because it'd just be too embarrassing compared to what these insanely skilled artists are doing/able to do."

All in all, it's also just my personality. Anxiety/depression, all that jazz. Coupled with being in a career, music just kind of fell out of my life. I hate to admit it and I try so hard to study my DAW further but I can't for more than five minutes at a time anymore. I lose motivation and just tell myself I'll never be good enough. I also go back and listen to my old pieces of work a lot on Newgrounds. Hundreds of projects that tell a story and I remember where I was at in life when I posted/wrote each one.

Sorry, not trying to make this a "look at me" sort of thing. I've never even responded to one of these news postings before, haha, but your words inspired me because of how relatable they are. I'd do anything to bring back the joy of what once had been a life-saving hobby for myself too. Music saved my life by letting me express stories through my emotions and thoughts that were too complex for words and could only be told through music.

I hope you find what you're looking for. None of us ever deserve to feel this way. Believe me when I say though, if I can make it through this, you can too. The feelings aren't great, but they aren't forever either.

V-Revolticon 2021-03-30 13:35:29

I am just now seeing this. Ugh. Anyway, if you need a break, then take a break. No need to force out content. Just know we love you and we will be here for you when you return.

Onward

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