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View Profile SynthGoddess
I make music so I can listen to it. Sharing it isn't all that bad, either. :P

25, Female

United States

Joined on 6/8/13

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My relationship with music production is a complicated one. It's saved my life, it's complicated it, and it's made up the majority of my identity.


I'm sure we all go through this journey, right? Looking back constantly at our old work and thinking about what made us do what we did, and looking to our new experiences to help us fuel new creations. I feel funny calling my songs "creations". It's really corny...lol. But I guess that's what they are.


I've been frustrated trying to figure out how to turn this from a life-saving hobby into something more fulfilling...and that frustration has proven counterproductive for far too many years. I want to free myself from that cycle. It's easier to be productive when you're not under your own negative pressures...


But how to deal with the swings? I can write something like this on a day where I feel that I'm doing great work, but then the next day, feel like everything I've done up to this point is worthless- or that I'm moving too slow...or I start comparing myself to others who I feel just have it easier (and that's the worst feeling ever. That alone can send me into a bit of sadness that lasts for days or weeks).


Who knows. I don't think anyone has the right answer. But right now, I write this to replace the negative post I wrote nearly 3 years ago, noting my frustrations with my progress. I need to free myself from that. Cliche as it may sound, it's the only way that I can continue doing what I love, and not hating myself over it. I'm not denying that there will still be days where I feel low, but I need to allow myself to feel that way, and then move on. The sun will continue to rise and set, and with those changes come experiences that I won't be able to foresee. Those experiences and feelings will fuel new inspiration. And rather than beating myself up for not being able to spawn inspiration on the fly, I need to allow myself to accept when that inspiration does or doesn't come, and adjust accordingly.


We never know where we're going to end up, so I'll continue on for now, simply with the intention of continuing.


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